Have you just recently broken up with you ex girlfriend? Are your trying everything in your power to get back with her?
Ok now listen to this advice… Stop trying everything.
Yes you heard me right. If you are trying everything, you are probably doing a lot of stupid things, as well as something's which are pushing her away more and more. Your emotions are probably overwhelming and you are not thinking properly. You a probably being irrational and are saying and doing things you don’t really mean.
Stop… Calm down… Think….
There are some ways to get your girlfriend back, but rationalising is not going to persuade her. You can’t persuade her. The harder you tug, the harder she will pull away.
The principles of getting your ex back are almost the same whether you are trying to get a girlfriend, get back your ex girlfriend or just be happy in the relationship you are in.
Principle 1
She is the cat and you are the ball of string
My friend explained this to me once when I started to get into the dating game. I wanted to understand why a girl who seemed really interested at first suddenly lost all interest.
After telling me this pearl of wisdom, he could probably tell by my blank expression I had no idea what he was talking about. He then proceeded to explain what he meant.
“If you give a cat a ball of string. It will play with it for awhile then get bored with it. However, if you dangle a ball of string in front of the cat it will chase the ball of string. If you go too far away the cat will lose interest, if you give the cat the ball of string it will get bored. You need to find balance. You need to be in control. You can’t ever stop playing the game. It is the relationship dance.”
It took me a few minutes to understand what he was getting at from his bizarre analogy. I then saw how it accurately explained what happens in relationship.
If you give a women all of the power. THEY GET BORED.
They don’t want a man they can control. THEY WANT A MAN THATS IN CONTROL.
If you get too distant. THEY LOSE INTEREST.
If you get too close. THEY LOSE INTEREST.
You have to be available but unavailable: WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO BE
So remember you are the ball of string she is the cat.
In order to use this in getting back together with a girl. Don’t become incredibly distant.
But remember: You control the interaction
Stop calling her every five minutes. Wait for her to call you, accept her call, make it a really enjoyable experience, make the interaction positive. Not crying and yelling (MAN UP!)
Then when you have created all those lovely enjoyable emotions in her. Say you have to go. You are just going out that night with some friends. Be polite and friendly.
Why?
Stop calling her: You create scarcity, she stops and thinks, why is he not talking to me anymore. You stop adding momentum to her drama. By this I mean, has a girl ever stormed out on you over something you know is sillt and is not your fault? So you get up and chase her, now you are chasing her you have given momentum to her drama, she is almost compelled to keep it going. You are re-enacting a drama from a film. However, if the scenario goes something like this.
Silly argument that is just her being moody.
Her: “Fine im leaving…”
You: “Uh… Ok… But you are being silly”
*Door slams*
You: Puts a cup of tea on for two people sets the stop watch for 10 minutes and get your XBOX controller out.
10 minutes later
*Knock knock knock*
You: Open the door and smile.
Her: “Sorry… I was being an idiot”
You: “There is a cup of tea for you on the side…”
So don’t give momentum to her drama, control the interaction get her to chase you.
Accept her call and make it a really enjoyable experience: If you ignore her calls she will eventually get bored or think you don’t want to talk to her anymore. You don’t want this if you want to show her how great a guy you are. Create an enjoyable interaction, no serious stuff, just be a joker and make her feel good. Then when you have given her all of those great feelings, show her you are the one that makes her feel that good and you have the power to take it all the way. Don’t let the conversation taper off. You control the interaction so you end it. Say something like. “Hey it was good to hear from you but I have got to go now. Going out with a few friends this evening” You can add the fact you are going out with your friends or you can leave it out. Up to you. By saying you are going out with your friends it shows that you do have a life and don’t just spend your whole day thinking about her. If you make it sound urgent but don’t tell her the reason she is going to be spending a lot of time thinking as to why you needed to leave so urgently. The more you make her think of you when you are not there the better. Be careful if she tries to take the conversation down any negative road, don’t take the bait, keep the conversation light hearted, don't add momentum to her drama. She is being a silly girl, you are a man, you do not give weight to her stupid rationalization's (Within reason. I am talking about her telling you she broke up with you because you never cleaned your socks and this meant you never appreciated her).
Principle 2
Expect a woman to tell you how she “feels” but not how she feels.
You cannot expect a woman to tell you what you need to do to please her. In fact if you did everything a woman wanted you to do she would get bored with you and see you as a lap dog. What a woman wants and what she thinks she wants are two completely different things. If a woman says she wants a particular thing in a man, you can pretty much ignore it. She doesn't actively look for particular things things in a man, unconsciously she is JUST attracted to particular things in men . She doesn’t have a choice in what she is attracted to. As David De Angelo (The famous dating guru) famously says repeatedly: Attraction is not a choice.
The reason why you can expect a women to tell you how she ‘feels’ and not how she feels is: She will rationalize and give you a reason, but in reality she can’t tell you how she feels because she herself has no idea. She is just high on emotions. You cannot expect a high person to be completely trustworthy in terms of their self assessment and sensory perception. So when a girl says you are not listening even when you are, it means you are not a mind reader. She want you to know her more than she knows herself. That's what you need to do.
Your woman is NO DIFFERENT. We can not short circuit hundreds of thousands of years of evolution by our conscious mind. A woman may not think this is true. BUT IT IS. Women and men rationalize their experiences but most of them are just a part of out internal wiring as has been realised by scientist, we are in less control than we think we are. Our conscious minds often surf and rationalize what the unconscious mind does fooling ourselves into thinking we are consciously in control.
Example time:
MAN: Why did you cheat on me?
Woman: I don’t know it just happened. I was feeling vulnerable and needed someone to hold….
Truth: You were boring me. I was horny and this guy pushed all the right buttons. I knew what was happening. But this guy was so smooth I could just let it happen. Now I don’t have to feel guilty because he made it so seamless he swept me off my feet and made it out of my control. By the way he found that spot you couldn’t find.
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